Second Draft Chapter 15

It was barely light out. The sun was just a pink glow on the horizon, and the darkness was reluctant to give up its hold on the sky. Even though it was still early fall, the air was cold and still chilled from the night.

At five O’clock we all assembled outside of the Cadet building. Everyone looked different with their blue uniforms on. Even Christopher lost his bookish looks, and looked like a real soldier in his Cadet uniform. His eyeglasses, which in every other context just made him look like a nerd, now gave him a look of sophistication, like one of those gentleman soldiers at a ballroom dance.

Ajax looked really magnificent in uniform. I hate to say it, but its true. I found myself admiring Ajax in spite of myself. But then it didn’t really surprise me. Ajax always had a bit of a handsome look to him. It wasn’t until after you got to know him that you realized what a jerk he was.

It was Hector and Teucer that I was more surprised by. Hector always looked like an idiot before. He had a long face, like a horse, and his mouth was always hanging slightly open. I wouldn’t have thought something as simple as a uniform could have transformed him, but there he was in front of me looking very smart and proper.

Teucer as well, who had always looked small and squirrelly before, now seemed to have gained in stature.

The rest of the Cadets were unknown to me, and the fact that everyone was dressed the same made them all the more indistinguishable as we all stood around milling about. But I knew in the next few months we would all become like brothers.

Zeus was visible a long ways off as he came strolling up to us. His massive frame was hard to miss. And his voice carried across the field. Before he arrived we could hear his voice clearly through the air. “Alright, form up!”

We all stared at each other, confused. None of us knew exactly what that meant, but we knew that Zeus wasn’t someone to be ignored. Christopher took the initiative by getting everyone to form a line.

Zeus walked up and smiled slightly at the line. “Ah, no. But good try. I keep forgetting you’re all new and you don’t know how to form up yet. But good effort cadet….” He looked at Christopher. “What was your name?”

Christopher took a step forward and yelled out crisply, “Christopher sir.”

Zeus nodded slowly, and I knew he was mentally putting this information in a place where he wouldn’t forget. The first training session hadn’t even started, and already Christopher was showing me up. I resolved not to let him upstage me again.

Zeus stood back, relaxed his shoulders, and clasped his hands behind his back. “Gentlemen, I can’t tell you what great pleasure it gives me to see you all assembled here on time. After our last meeting, I was a little worried this might be too early for some of you.” There was no laughter, either because it was too early in the morning, or because we were all afraid of Zeus. “I hope you all came ready to work today,” he continued, “because if you don’t leave here feeling like you want to die, then I haven’t done my job.” He smiled at his own joke, but again there was no laughter.

“The first thing we need to do is teach you how to form up. For now we’ll have you just form up by number until your leaders have been decided. Then at six o’clock the other Cadets will show up. Eventually, once you first years have learned the ropes, you can start showing up at six as well. For now you need the extra practice.

“Although the other Cadets have had one, two, in some cases three extra years of training, you will be expected to do all the same things they do. There will be no exceptions for first years. You must complete all the same tasks in the same amount of time. And if you can’t do that, then you must train extra until you can.”

Of course it wasn’t fair to ask first years to do the same tasks as fourth years. And I could feel the wave of nervousness flowing through my fellow Cadets. But I knew what Zeus was doing. He was going to throw us into the fire to separate the pure from the impure. That’s how he would know who the leaders were. I was immediately grateful to Orion for all the training he had given me. I would need it to come out on top this week.

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I decided I should probably go to a couple Art Guild meetings just so that I wouldn’t look like a total fraud if Helen ever talked with someone else from the Art Guild. I knew she was David’s girlfriend now, and things weren’t like before, but I still wanted her to think well of me. That was an innocent enough wish, wasn’t it?

I figured all I had to do was to go to two or three Art Guild meetings. I didn’t even have to do anything there. Hermes had specifically said people could just watch if they wanted. All I had to do was show my face, and introduce myself to people so that they’d know who I was if Helen ever asked.

The following Tuesday I went to my first meeting. Cadet training had run a bit late that night, so it was just after 8 when I got there. I cracked open the door a sliver and looked through. The chairs were already formed in a circle, and it looked like they had already started. I was about to close the door and leave when Hermes saw me. “Jon! Jon!” He called out to me from across the room, breaking up whatever discussion was already in progress. “It’s okay Jon, come on in.” I opened the door all the way and walked in with a red face. “Here, have a seat Jon,” Hermes said, gesturing to an open chair.

There were about twenty people seated in the circle. I gave a sheepish wave to everyone as I walked to my seat. I noticed that everyone else there was equipped with thick pencils and paintbrushes and other art supplies. I of course had come empty handed.

“Well Hermes, would you like to introduce your friend?” someone asked.

Hermes looked at me closely, as if he were studying me to decide if I was acceptable or not. “No, I think I’ll let him introduce himself.”

I looked out on the faces. “Ah, Hello. Let’s see, my name is Jon. I’m a first year student here, but I’m actually a native of Urbae. I haven’t decided what I want to study yet.” I paused to search for something else to say. “I’m not really sure what I’m here. I’ve never been interested in art before, but Hermes convinced me to come.” That last part was one of those spontaneous moments of honesty that no one really plans out, but just sort of happen sometimes. Obviously I hoped that part wouldn’t get back to Helen. Hopefully it wasn’t the kind of thing that would stick in people’s minds.

Despite the blunt introduction I gave, I noticed that everyone was looking at me with kindness and friendliness. I also noticed for the first time that there were several cute girls in the circle. “Please, sit down Jon,” someone said to me. “Welcome to our meeting. I hope you find something that will interest you.”

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After we had learned how to form up, Zeus led us around to the Cadet field. We all walked over in a loose group behind him, but once we got to the field Zeus bellowed, “Form up!”

We quickly ran into the rows and columns that he had taught us minutes before. He nodded slowly as he looked at us. “Not bad. I’d like to see you learn to form up quicker, but we’ll work on that. Okay listen up gentlemen, I want you to take a good look at this obstacle course. You’ll be seeing it in your nightmares for a long time, and when you do I want you to make sure that you at least see it right. This is quite possibly the worst obstacle course designed by human ingenuity, and you will do it every day as a warm up. Anyone who fails to complete the obstacles in the allotted time will have to do it again, and again, until he gets it right. Any questions?” This last part was purely rhetorical of course. All of us knew better than to ask a question. But I’m sure all of us were wondering the same thing. What exactly were we supposed to do? The field was filled with wooden walls and jungle gym like creations. It looked like a children’s playground from hell. But what were we supposed to do? Climb the obstacles? Crawl under them? In what order?

Zeus knew what we were thinking, and he seemed to enjoy our collective panic. After letting us stare out at the course for a moment, he called our attention back. “We have a special volunteer here today to show you how it’s done,” he called out. We all turned back to look at him, and now Orion was standing beside Zeus. “Pay close attention because he’s only going to go through this once, and then you must do it yourselves.”

Orion always managed to come out of nowhere like that. Obviously he must have walked up while we were all watching the obstacle course, but his mysterious appearing acts still seemed like a magicians tricks.

Standing side by side, Orion and Zeus made an interesting contrast. Zeus was slightly bigger, but they were both giants among men. Zeus was old, while Orion was fresh with youth. Orion’s face was soft and handsome looking, while Zeus’s face was covered by his scraggly red beard, and an ugly red scar ran across his forehead.

And yet age had not seemed to dull Zeus. He was one of those people who simply grow tougher with advancing ages. He was maybe 50, but I was much more frightened by him than I would have been of anyone 30 years younger. And even Orion looked a little uneasy standing next to Zeus. Every muscle of Orion’s body was strained to attention, as if he was terrified of making even one wrong move in the giant’s presence.

“Go!” Zeus shouted. Orion turned and ran towards the obstacle course. Orion began from a dead start, but he picked up speed soon enough. Orion had a way of making everything look effortless, and the way he ran made it look as if he was simply floating through the air. When he got to the first wall, Orion climbed over it with ease. He covered almost half of it with his first jump, and then his outstretched arms were able to reach out and grab the top of the wooden wall. He pulled himself up to the top with his arms while his feet pushed off against the wall, and in an instant he had cleared the obstacle and jumped down into the mud on the other side. Even Zeus was surprised by this and I heard him chuckling quietly to himself quietly with amazement.

He handled all the obstacles in this way. His muscles moved like a machine, doing the tasks asked of them with no sign of strain or exertion. He climbed up a rope, slithered under a barrier and then crawled through the mud under barbed wire. He sailed through about ten other obstacles, and then arrived back by Zeus’s side, muddy, but not winded.

“And that, Gentleman, is how it’s done,” Zeus said beaming. He made no attempt to conceal his pride at Orion. “Last chance for questions.” None of us fell for that trap. “Okay, well then,” he said as he pulled a small pocket watch out of his uniform, “Your time is running as of…” he paused and his eyes squinted to view the second hand ticking “…Now!”

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“The format here is pretty simple Jon,” Hermes explained to me. “We always open every meeting by sharing art work we’ve done in the past week. That part is simply voluntary of course. Not everyone has to share, but everyone usually offers comments and advice to the artist. Then after that, we move onto some sort of coordinated group project. For instance last week we all drew portraits of the person sitting to the right of us. Just fun stuff like that.”

“You said I didn’t have to draw.”

“No, no, of course not. Not if you don’t want to. You can just watch if you want.”

I settled back in my seat nervously. The Art Guild meeting, which had already been in progress before I interrupted it, resumed. Everyone returned their attention to the girl who had been presenting. She had long black hair and a very pale face which was made even whiter by the complete absence of make-up.

“This next piece is very special to me,” she said, resting a painting on her lap. “I was trying to represent a lot of the various themes that I think make us all human. The different colors in the picture represent different emotions. In most cases I’ve stuck with the traditional interpretations. Red represents anger, blue sadness, and so on. Another thing I thought was important was the fact that all of us have different personalities at different times. That’s what the many different faces represent.”

Hermes nudged me. “See? Isn’t this great?”

I shrugged, and we both returned our attention to the artist. “I also wanted to create a sense of being trapped or imprisoned by the limitations of society. That’s why I’ve set the whole painting behind these bars, as if the whole scene takes place in a jail. Now I have one final piece I would like to share with all of you…”

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“Form up! I said form up damn it! I don’t like having to ask twice gentlemen! You better learn that fast.”

I’m sure we must have been a pathetic sight. On the first day of training Zeus had taught us very quickly that the uniform does not make the Cadet. No longer the majestic men of five o’clock, we were now a bunch of boys whose heads were bent down and whose chests were heaving for air. We hurried to assemble in the neat rows that Zeus wanted, even as we were all breathing hard with exhaustion.

“Gentlemen, I have never seen such an awful, clumsy, slow,” he drew out the word slow, as if that was the cardinal sin, “attempt at that obstacle course before. You lot are even worse than the usual first years. And I mean all of you. To the man.”

I was pretty sure he went through this speech every year. I also suspected that he would have gone through this little spiel no matter how good our time had been. We could have set a new record, and he would still have told us we were the slowest ever. And yet, for some reason, his words still seemed to burn me.

“You think that those blue uniforms make you a Cadet? I’ve got news for you gentlemen. We gave you those uniforms, and we can take them away. None of you are worthy of being a Cadet. You lot better shape up and you better do it fast.”

Zeus stopped for a moment and appeared to think, although I had a feeling this too was part of the act. “Alright gentlemen, I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. You’re going to run this obstacle course again, but not all of you at once this time. This time you’re going to run in pairs. Two of you are going to race each other. The winners of the race will be done for the day. The losers will race each other. And then the losers of those races will race each other, until we only have one loser left. And trust me gentlemen when I say that you do not want to be that last loser.”

The vicious way he said those words sent a chill through me. I didn’t know what would happen to that loser, but I didn’t want to find out.

“Orion, why don’t you help me pick the first pair,” Zeus said. Orion, who had been standing back watching Zeus, stepped forward obediently, his muscles once again strained at attention.

Orion looked over us, and his gaze rested on me. I didn’t think he would pick me. That would be obvious favoritism. But I was the first one Orion picked. “That one,” he said, pointing at me.

“You heard him Cadet. What are you waiting for?” Zeus called out. I scrambled to the starting line.

“Okay Orion, who is he running against?” Zeus asked. I watched Orion’s eyes go over the other Cadets, and I thought for a minute he was looking for someone who looked weak. Someone he knew I could beat easily to make me look impressive in front of Zeus, and give me a head start on leadership selection. But instead, Orion’s hand pointed at Ajax. “Him.”

As Ajax came forward, I could have kicked myself for being so stupid. Orion didn’t want to make things easy for me. He wanted to challenge me. I should have known that by now.

Orion’s eyes had a satisfied look as he watched us on the starting line, and I knew that in his mind this was an extension of the fight he had rescued me from two years ago. This was my chance to redeem myself.

I looked at Ajax, but Ajax wasn’t looking at me. Ajax was staring straight ahead, but his eyes were narrowed with determination, and perhaps hatred.

I tried to clear my mind. “Don’t think about all that. Don’t think about any of that. This is only a race between two people. None of that other stuff matters. The only thing that matters is who crosses the finish line first.” I also thought about the old school races in gym class. It was three years ago now, but I still took comfort in the thought. “I beat him once, and I can do it again.”

“Go!” Zeus yelled.

My mind was still clouded, and Ajax got a head start on me as he exploded from the starting line. I cursed myself for not being focused and ran after him. I could see his legs flying in front of me, and it struck me that I had never seen him move so fast before. He was just as determined to beat me as I was to beat him.

As we both scrambled over the wall, I became aware that the other Cadets were cheering for us, as if it were a sports competition. Zeus had apparently allowed that much lapse in discipline. Or perhaps even encouraged it as a way to add pressure on us.

Ajax leaped off of the war and into the mud. He tried to land with his feet running as we had seen Orion do, but Ajax didn’t have the coordination to pull it off. He stumbled forward on unsteady feet for a few steps, but in the end regained his stride and sprinted forward toward the next obstacle. I jumped down seconds after him.

The cheering, although we were moving away crowd, somehow gained prominence in my mind. I couldn’t make out individual voices or even which cheers were for me and which ones were for Ajax. It was just one large roar.

And, although I doubted he was cheering, somewhere in that crowd was Orion. Watching me to see if I could defeat Ajax on this course and set things right, or if all of his training had been for nothing. My old competition instincts kicked back in. Nothing mattered in the world so much as beating Ajax now.

With renewed drive, I pushed my body forward. By the time we got to the second wall I was beginning to catch up to Ajax. We both pulled our bodies up to the top at the same time. I swung my legs over in one movement and jumped down below. He wasn’t able to get his legs over quite as smoothly, and by the time he hit the ground I was a couple beats ahead of him.

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After all the presentations had finished, the pale faced girl, who appeared to be in charge of the meeting, said, “I thought maybe a fun activity would be if we all drew a picture of this room from different angles. Then, we could compare all of the pictures and see how much things are affected by our different perspectives.” Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a brief glimpse of Hermes rolling his eyes at this suggestion. But he didn’t say anything.

Other people began talking excitedly about the idea. Already chairs were being re-arranged around the room. Hermes leaned over and said under his breath, “She wants to be a school teacher when she graduates. The meetings she chairs are always like this. But come back next week when it’s my turn.”

“Hermes I didn’t bring anything,” I whispered back.

“What?”

“No paper or pencils or anything.”

“Oh. No problem. I’ll get you some stuff out of the drawer.” Hermes stood up and went to the cupboard in the back of the room.

Before I came to this meeting I had resolved that they weren’t going to talk me into doing any actual drawing or painting myself. But now that the moment had come I realized I couldn’t just stand around with my hands in my pockets while everyone else drew. At least with pencil and paper in my hand I wouldn’t feel so awkward. I didn’t have to make a serious effort. I could just sit in the corner and pretend to draw.

Hermes returned with a thick drawing pencil and a white pad of paper, and I took my chair to the back corner of the room. By this time almost everyone else had started drawing already, and the room had become silent except for the scratching sounds of those who were pressing heavily down on their pencils.

Now that I was comfortable in my corner, I began to take in the feel of the room for the first time. Although I had felt like a stranger when I first entered, I now reflected that in many ways it was a warm and inviting room. There were lots of couches scattered throughout the place. They were old couches, often sagging in the back or with the stuffing coming out. But those details made them all the more inviting. With a new couch you feel like you have to ask permission to sit down. An old couch is free to even the uninvited guest.

I briefly considered just making lines on the paper so that it looked like I was busy drawing, and then later quietly throw away the paper before we regrouped. But then something in me decided to try and draw after all.

I’ve always hated art class at school, but this wasn’t school. Maybe with out the presence of teachers and bells, I would find that there actually is an artist buried inside me. “No you won’t,” piped up a little voice inside me, but I squashed that voice down, and began studying the couch. Already I had in my mind a perfect image of the couch I wanted to put down on the paper. But my hand refused to follow my mind. The first lines I drew on the paper were unsteady and wobbly.

I closed the pad of paper, and walked across the room to where Hermes was sitting. “Hermes,” I whispered. “I need an eraser.”

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By the time I crossed the finish line I was almost a full five seconds ahead of Ajax. But I was too exhausted to savor my victory. I took a few uneasy steps, and then bent forward with my hands on my knees. My head bent down, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

“Well done Cadet. You’ve won.” I could hear the voice of Zeus, but the words didn’t register. He sounded a lot further off than he actually was. Warm blood was still pulsing through my ears giving everything a surreal, far off, feeling.

“Cadet you will stand at attention when I’m talking to you!” Those words had a sharp quality to them that pierced the fogginess around my brain. Although my sides protested, I forced myself to stand to attention. This act completed, Zeus seemed satisfied, and his voice softened slightly. “Well done Cadet. Return to your position now,” he said, indicating the empty space in the formation.

“And you, Cadet,” Zeus said, pointing at Ajax, “will run the race again later.” Ajax stood at attention and nodded obediently to Zeus, but he avoided eye contact with me as we walked back to our places.

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I erased, drew, and erased again. I knew what I wanted to do, but my unsteady hand refused to obey my mind. The once clean white paper was now becoming one giant eraser smear. I thought about ripping it out and starting over again, but what was the point? It had been foolish to think I would be able to do this in the first place. I knew I wasn’t artistic. Somewhere in my brain, I had allowed myself to believe that hanging around with Hermes would cause his talent to rub off on me. Now I realized how foolish that sentiment had been.

I pushed on anyway. Maybe if I just sketched a few more lines down the picture would round itself out. But nothing turned out the way I wanted it to. Near the end, I became frustrated and started sketching faster and with less care. Now I only wanted to finish the picture and get it over with. My hand was a blunt instrument, incapable of producing beauty. Who cares? Just get this stupid thing over with.

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The first half of the morning was consumed by the races. Christopher did much better than I thought he would. He won his first race. So did Teucer. Hector lost his first race, but he and Ajax both won their second races. In the end, the last Cadet left standing was someone I didn’t even know, and Zeus ordered him to stay after normal training for some “special practice”.

By this time, the other Cadets had shown up, and it was no longer only the first years. Orion left his place by Zeus’s side, and got into formation with the other third year Cadets.

Zeus grinned at us. “Congratulations gentlemen, you’ve completed your warm up. Now this next exercise will tell me what you’re really made of.” Zeus held up a long cylindrical stick. “In the old days these used to be just solid wood,” he said. “But we had an incident a few years ago, and now the government has ordered us to pad the outside with foam.”

Like an actor slipping out of character, Zeus addressed us briefly in a conversational tone. “Kind of takes the edge out of it if you ask me, but an old soldier like me knows how to follow orders.” And then the mask slipped back into place, and he bellowed back at us in his usual voice. “These are padded, but nevertheless be careful. They can still cause a bit of damage if you get hit in the right place hard enough. So these are the rules: no hits above the shoulders, or between the waist and the knees. Other than that, everything’s fair game. Your object is to get your opponent on the ground, or out of the circle. Now, who wants to go first?” Zeus directed this last question straight at us first years.

I don’t think any of us really wanted to go first. I would have been more than content to watch a few of the older students go first and see how it was done. But then out of the corner of my eye I could see Christopher nervously shifting his weight back and forth, and I knew he was only seconds away from volunteering. My hand shot up before Christopher had a chance to make up his mind.

Zeus looked a little bit surprised at the speed at which I raised my hand, but he didn’t seem displeased. “That’s what I like to see,” he said. “A new Cadet eager to try.” The usual grin spread across his face, but I could never be sure about that grin. I didn’t know if it meant he was pleased with me, or if he was mocking me.

Zeus beckoned to me, and I came to the front and stood by his side. “And who would like to challenge this brave young first year?” Zeus asked.

Orion’s hand rose. Zeus’s grin faltered for an instant before he regained himself. “I don’t think that’s a good idea Orion,” he said. “This one’s not at your level yet. Why don’t you wait for another upper classman?”

“I think this one can handle it sir.” Orion’s voice was somehow both confident and at the same time not challenging to Zeus.

Zeus studied me for a moment and then said to Orion, “Go easy on him. I don’t want him sent into the hospital on his first day.”

I was slightly disturbed by the mention of the hospital, as well as my own concurrent realization that Orion was more than capable of sending me there if he chose. But other than that, I concluded that it was probably a good thing Orion had volunteered. No one expected me to beat him, and so there would be no shame when he inevitably knocked me down. And if I managed to hold my own with him for one or two minutes, then I would impress everyone, including Zeus.

I had no illusions about beating him. The best I could do was keep him back for a couple of minutes. I also knew that he would not go easy on me. He wanted me to impress Zeus, but he wanted me to earn it.

Zeus gave us both a padded stick and we stepped into the circle. I held my stick awkwardly, glancing at Orion for a clue as to how it should be gripped. I also tried to read his expression. I expected he would give me a friendly smile or wink, or tell me I was doing good. But his face remained a mask. He never broke for a second.

“Okay, whenever you’re ready,” Zeus called out.

I wasn’t sure what this meant. Whenever I personally was ready, or did Orion and I have to agree on some sort of mutual starting signal? I looked to Orion for a clue as to what to do, but instead saw he was already swinging his stick down at me. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I raised my stick up to protect my body, and blocked his blow.

While my brain was still absorbing what had just happened, Orion swung again. I blocked it again. He swung a third time and I parried it a third time. I took a couple steps backwards as he came towards me. I’m sure it was apparent to everyone watching that I was out of my element.

“Come on Cadet! Be on the offensive!” Zeus shouted out. I guessed that this remark was addressed to me. I watched Orion carefully, waiting for my opening. He swung his stick down. I darted out of the way, and then drew back my right arm to make my own swing. In doing so I opened up the whole left side of my body. Orion moved in quickly and struck my left shoulder.

I flinched, but more because of the pain I expected than the pain I actually felt. The soft cushioning of the stick absorbed most of the blow. While I was still stunned from the first hit, Orion whacked me in the side. My whole body involuntarily tensed up as I saw the stick about to hit me. Although the padding on the stick saved my ribs from breaking, Orion still almost knocked me over, and I lost my breath. I made a wild swing in his direction, but he jumped back to avoid it.

I quickly straightened myself out as Orion came forward. There was a smile on his face, which I at first thought was his way of signaling to me that I was doing okay. But his eyes never met mine, and I realized it was simply the smile of a born warrior delighting in the fight. He was at his happiest and most natural now, and all else was blocked out from his memory. Me, and who I was, and our friendship, none of that mattered now. He was only thinking of the struggle.

He came at me again, but this time he didn’t swing his stick. Rather he kept both of his hands gripped on each side and tried to use it as a lever to push me over. I held my stick out against his, as he put all his weight down on me.

I wasn’t as strong as he was, but nor was I the skinny sixteen year old I had been two years before. The two years of training had built up a lot of muscle in my arms, and I reached into all my reserve strength for a sudden violent push. I expected him to just meet me with more force, but the suddenness had caught him off guard. He actually stumbled backwards. I was so surprised by my own success that I didn’t press my advantage. I breathed a quick sigh of relief, and then he recovered himself and he was upon me again.

Once again we locked our sticks together and I pressed my weight against his. He wouldn’t be caught off guard by a sudden show of strength again, but for the moment I was able to hold him off. I knew this couldn’t last. I knew that I was exerting myself far more than he was, and I would soon have to give in. But for the moment I was happy just to be holding my own.

Just as those thoughts were going through my brain, Orion slid away to the side. The counterforce in front of me disappeared, and with nothing to hold me back, my own inertia pushed me forward. My feet scrambled to keep up with the rest of my body.

Orion swung his stick down low to catch my feet, and they came out from under me. The next thing I felt was his stick striking my back. Even as I fell I had to admire the fluidity of his motion. He had knocked my legs out from under me and then managed to deal me a blow on the back before I struck the ground. He didn’t waste a single movement. All I could do was throw out my hands to break my fall. I landed hard, but not hurt.

There wasn’t a lot of cheering for Orion. He had simply done what everyone had expected. There was a slight murmur of congratulatory remarks as he walked back to his row, but they had the flat quality of words that are said only for form’s sake.

As they say, there’s no shame in losing to the best, so I wasn’t upset at my performance. But I knew it would have looked bad to act satisfied with myself after a loss. That was the kind of thing Zeus would jump all over. So I kept my head focused on the ground in penance as I walked back to my space. Out of the corner of my eye I could just catch Zeus looking at me with an approving gaze.

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“Wow! Now see, I would never have thought to draw that.”

“I really like your attention to detail.”

“That’s really, well, that’s really an interesting interpretation, isn’t it? What is this part supposed to be again?”

At the end of the meeting everyone walked around freely and complimented each other on their paintings. I had discreetly made my way to the wastebasket, and threw away my own crumpled drawing. I really wanted to rip it into pieces, but I was worried the sound of tearing paper would draw attention to me, and I wanted to dispose of this with all the secrecy of a murderer disposing of a dead body. They were all so absorbed with each other no one really noticed me anyway.

Now, with everyone busy walking around and talking to everyone else, I made a beeline for the exit. Hermes intercepted me at the door. “Leaving already?”

“I’ve got a lot of homework.”

At University everybody always has a lot of homework at any given time. It’s the perfect excuse for everything, and because it’s so perfect everyone always sees right through it. “What’s wrong?” Hermes asked.

I breathed in. “I’m okay. I just felt a little out of place tonight, you know? Like maybe art’s not really my thing.”

Hermes nodded his head to show he understood. “Picture not turn out the way you wanted it to?”

I was so relieved to be understood that I let my guard down immediately. “No, not at all.”

“Well, we’ve all been there at one point or another Jon. Don’t get discouraged.”

“No, I think it’s more than that. I don’t think any of this is really for me.”

Hermes was listening to me, but I could tell by the quick way he responded that none of it was really registering. “Well maybe not, but you can’t give up after your first try. Come again next week.”

“I’ll think about it,” I said as I turned to leave.

“I’ll come by your room next week to remind you,” Hermes shouted after me as I walked out the door.

****************************************************************************

“You did better than I thought you would today,” Orion said to me as we walked back to the main campus. “But you weren’t fighting to win.”

“What are you talking about? Of course I was.”

“You gave up the moment you saw me come forward. Isn’t that true?”

I thought about arguing this, but there didn’t seem to be any point. Orion knew me too well. “I couldn’t have beaten you anyway.”

“You couldn’t beat me because you thought you couldn’t beat me.” We walked on in silence while he let that sink in, then he added, “When we’re on the battlefield, we fight to win.”

“But we can’t both win,” I protested. “Someone always has to lose.”

“Yes,” Orion answered. “Someone always has to lose. Just don’t let it be you.”