Second Draft Chapter 12

The weeks pass quickly when you are busy. I went to school. I worked at the center. I trained hard with Orion every night. I studied under the ever-watchful eye of my father. I barely had time to think of anything else.

Orion refused to let me have any of the nights off. I tried to meet Helen on Sunday. Usually my father was very strict about Sunday being only for church and homework, but he let me go a couple times. I met Helen in coffee shops. Neither of us had a taste for coffee, so we would just order the soda instead. It took me an hour to walk into the city, so usually I could only see Helen for a couple of hours before I had to head back. That was just as well because her family didn’t approve of spending a lot of time in Cafes on Sunday either. Sunday was God’s day.

I met Helen a couple of times, and then she started making excuses why she couldn’t come, and I only saw her at school. I started to get nervous, but David calmly reassured me. “Don’t do anything stupid Jon. Just give her a little space. You still talk to her at school, right?” The snow was falling lightly outside as we talked. I could hear the sound of Emma laughing outside. Despite the snow, some of the daylight still shone in through the windows and lit up David’s face in the school hallway.

“Everybody talks to her at school. That doesn’t mean anything.”

And then, one day after school, when I asked Helen for the fourth time that month to meet for soda that Sunday, she reached out and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I squeezed her hand in return. “You’re a very nice boy Jon,” she said softly. Her face was anxious. “But I can’t meet you for soda. It’s still my first year at this school. I don’t want to get a boyfriend just yet. And you don’t have time for a girlfriend.”

That afternoon I couldn’t focus, and Orion noticed it. He didn’t ask me what was wrong. He just pushed me harder instead. And I even bother to tell him. I didn’t have it in me, and I knew what his response would be. In a war, no one cares if you’re heartbroken or not. So I sucked it up and found the energy.

That Sunday I managed to get away from my father for a little while, and went to David’s house. I sprawled out on his bed, while he sat in his usual spot against the wall. The weather was almost mockingly cheerful outside, but David’s room, because it was below ground level, always seemed gloomy.

“Well, these things happen Jon,” David was saying. “She was just one girl. You’ll get over her eventually.”

“All this time I thought she liked me. But she was probably just being friendly.”

“Yeah, you’ve got to be careful with girls like her.”

A terrible thought struck me. “Do you think I messed up somewhere along the line? Maybe she liked me at first and I blew it.”

David stood up, temporarily blocking even what little light came in through the window. “Now come on Jon, don’t start thinking like that. What did you do wrong?”

A flood of potential mistakes entered my brain. I put my hand to my head and groaned.

“Jon, you’re thinking about this too much. What good is second guessing yourself going to do?”

“The thing with Ajax last month,” I said weakly. “That’s where I blew it.”

“No that’s not it at all Jon. In fact she told me she feels really bad about the way she got so mad at you.” He paused slightly before continuing. “You know Jon, I don’t know if this is going to be any comfort or not, but she feels really bad about the whole thing.”

I took my hand off my forehead and sat up suddenly. “What? How do you know?”

David shrugged. “Well I hang out with her sometimes after school. She told me.”

Never in my life had I been more attentive to what David was talking about. “What did she say?”

“She came to me last week and told me how she felt about things. She really liked you, but she wanted you as a friend. She though that would work best, and besides you don’t have time for a girlfriend anyway. She didn’t think it was a good idea to meet you for coffee and soda on Sundays. She was worried it would give you the wrong idea. But she didn’t know how to tell you without hurting your feelings. You should have seen how worried she was about you Jon. She really didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Wait, wait,” I held my hand out to stop David from continuing. “Wait. You knew about this before she told me.” I felt a sharp pain, as if I’d been stabbed in the back. The two of them had been conspiring together against me.

“Well what was I supposed to do? You wouldn’t have wanted to hear it from me. Besides I promised Helen I wouldn’t say anything.”

That was true. I’m glad she told me face to face at least. But still the whole idea of them discussing this made me uncomfortable. “Well what did you tell her then?”

“What do you think? I told her that you really liked her, and that you were my friend and that I didn’t want to see you hurt. I said if she didn’t want to date you then she should just tell you straight off rather than stringing you along by making excuses every week. She felt really bad because of the fight you guys had about Ajax. And she felt even worse that she had gotten confused and kissed you that night. But I told her…”

Gotten confused? I stopped listening to David. Was that all it was to her? A moment of confusion? My head hurt and I felt like I couldn’t continue this conversation. I leaned backwards onto the bed. I closed my eyes. David abruptly stopped talking. Although my eyes were closed, I could feel his shadow and I knew he was standing over me. “Are you okay Jon?”

I just wanted to say whatever I could to stop the conversation. “Yeah, you’re right David. I’m glad I heard it from her first.” I opened my eyes and forced a smile to let him know I was all right.

His face seemed large as it peered over me. His head was in front of the sunlight, so that the sunlight shown all around him giving his face a fuzzy glow. He returned the smile. “You’ll be okay Jon.”

I closed my eyes again. This wouldn’t kill me, but it would be hard just the same.
{Possible problem: not just kiss, but Helen appears very eager to date Jon in previous chapters}
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At first I felt awkward sitting next to Helen, but her friendliness put me at ease. I was even able to talk to her between classes and school breaks without feeling too out of place. Things weren’t exactly the same, but she was interested in staying friends and I absolutely adored her, so we talked to each other just as much as before.

Ajax also talked to her just as much as before. This disturbed me to no end, but there was nothing I could do about it. After the fight Helen and I had last time, I could hardly say anything to her. And I didn’t want Ajax to know it bugged me.

Ajax, however, already seemed to know it bugged me. Perhaps somehow he had heard about the argument. Or maybe he had even heard about Helen rejecting me. These things never stay secret for too long. I knew David wouldn’t tell anyone, but Helen might. Not maliciously, but that’s just how girls are. They like to talk about these things. Hell, she had even told one person before she even did it. I could easily imagine her saying some small remark to another girl friend, and at our school, all it took was one remark before everyone knew it.

Maybe it was just my imagination, but I often thought Ajax was being overly friendly to Helen when he knew I was around. He would start talking to her in a sweeter tone, or smile more than usual, or even put his arm around her shoulders in a friendly way. Helen didn’t reciprocate this last act, but neither did she pull away from it, and I was torn up with jealousy just seeing it. The image would sink itself into my brain, and I would be able to think of nothing else all afternoon at the Cadet Center.

One day after school I saw Hector and Tuecer tormenting Joshua as usual. I was just walking out of the school building, and about to head to the Center, when I saw the three of them in the schoolyard. Hector and Tuecer were trying to pick a fight, pushing Joshua around and shouting at him. Joshua was as usual not responding. He simply allowed himself to be pushed around.

Already most of the teachers had left or were leaving the building. If a fight happened now, there would be no one to break it up. I remember it was a windy day, and the wind was blowing behind me as I walked towards them. It seemed to push me forward towards a collision with them, as if nature itself willed this conflict. The wind also took away their words, but I knew what they were. They were yelling at Joshua, calling him a Gibeonite without actually saying the word Gibeonite. They were teasing him about how poor his family was, or the fact that he and his mother lived in the slums, or the fact that Joshua’s father had been gone for several years, and not even Joshua and his mother knew where he was.

There were several ways I could have handled this I suppose. I could have just told Joshua to get the hell out of there. Why Joshua just stood around and took this abuse was beyond me. He could easily have just run away.

Or I could have let Joshua deal with it in his usual way: namely just do nothing until they got tired of their game and moved onto a new victim. It wasn’t the way I would do things, but it seemed to work for Joshua, and he put up with abuse on a daily basis.

But I wanted a fight. I was dying for a fight. I even thought this might be a gift from God. It had occurred at the perfect time when there were no teachers around. And even the wind itself drove me forward into the fight.

Teucer saw me coming first and nudged Hector. Hector was laughing at some witticism Teucer had just said, and didn’t see me until Tuecer elbowed him in the ribs. Then he straightened up and the two of them stood stiffly as they watched me approach.

The wind was blowing everyone’s hair. Hector and Teucer had their hair blown backwards. Although I couldn’t see my own hair, I could feel it being blown forward.

“Why don’t you go home now?” I spoke to Joshua, but didn’t bother to look at him. Instead I kept my eyes focused straight on Hector and Teucer. I guess I thought it was cooler this way.

“Jon, don’t make this any worse.”

“I won’t.” I kept my eyes fixed on Hector and Teucer, wishing Joshua would hurry up and get out of here so I could begin my famous showdown.

He actually stepped between the three of us. “What are you going to do Jon? You can’t fight both of them at once.”

And then the wind brought the sound HeHeＨｅＨＨＨＨｅof laughter to our ears. I turned around slowly, coolly, because I already knew it was Ajax. I knew he wouldn’t be far away from Hector and Teucer, which is why I had wanted the fight. And he knew that I knew he would be around. He was laughing in a deep voice, not the high-pitched laugh of Hector. “Are you going to fight all of us Jon?” he asked. He made a show of looking around him. “I don’t see David or Simon. Are you going to take all three of us on all by yourself?”

I smiled back at him. “If I have to. If you think it will take all three of you. Or if you’re not afraid of me you could send your boys home and the two of us could-,”

He cut me off with a laugh. “Very clever Jon. But this isn’t about you and me. This is about you and Helen, isn’t it?”

I guess I should have been prepared for this, but I was not. I figured if I made the pretext of the fight about something else, like Joshua, than Ajax wouldn’t sink low enough to bring up Helen. We might both know the fight was really about Helen, but there would be a certain code of honor about not bringing it up. I had forgotten that Ajax lives by his own code: find the weakest point and hit it hard, no matter what.

“I understand you’ve had a rough time of it lately Jon.”

I clenched my fists. “What do you want Ajax?”

“We just want to talk to you,” he said, including his two friends with a sweep of his hand. “Just think of the three of us as your therapists Jon.” Hector began laughing at this already. Hector would laugh at anything, but Ajax seemed to take this as confirmation of his wit, and smiled proudly. “Now, we understand you had your heart broken earlier. Is that true?” I remained silent, so Ajax continued. “Well, the boys and I just want to let you know how sorry we are to hear that.”

I heard the voices of Hector and Teucer behind my back. “Yeah, cheer up Jon,” Hector called out.

“Don’t be down Jon, it happens to all of us,” Teucer said.

The tones of their voices, if isolated by themselves, would have seemed sincere enough. In this situation there was no need to over due it with dripping sarcasm. They knew they were mocking me, and I knew they were mocking me.

“Helen’s a nice girl Jon, a real nice girl. A real intelligent girl too. She’s a real catch all around, huh?” Ajax circled me as he talked. “It’s really too bad you let her get away. You won’t come across another girl like her in a thousand years, you know.”

The boys echoed him. “What were you thinking Jon?” asked Hector.

“How could you let her get away?” from Teucer.

“Now, there’s a rumor going around school Jon, and I’ve been wanting to ask you about it for some time.” Ajax was still walking in slow circles as he talked, but he occasionally glanced down at his hands as he talked. He used his hands in pointless gestures, which was not usually his style. I think he may have been trying to act smart by imitating our teacher, who always gestured as he spoke. “The rumor is, and stop me if this is false, is that you and Helen shared a few kisses earlier this fall. Is that true Jon?” I was already imagining myself hitting him at this point. “I think we deserve an answer Jon. After all, we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us.” Hector laughed at this again.

I couldn’t think of a clever response. All I could think about was how much I wanted to hit him. The rest of the thought processes in my brain were already shutting down. “I’m not answering that Ajax.”

Ajax exchanged smirks with the boys me. “Well that sounds like a yes to me. What do you think?”

“I think that’s a yes,” Teucer answered. Hector just laughed.

“Well then Jon, would you like to deny that you kissed her?” I remained silent. Ajax briefly assumed the deep important voice of a court judge. “Then let your silence condemn you sir. We find you guilty.”

Ajax stopped circling and stood right in front of me. “Not bad Jon. Not bad at all. You’ve got fire in your blood, stealing her kisses like that. Of course Helen and I, we’ve gone much farther than just kissing.”

My arm flew out to hit him. But he was ready for me. He had spent that whole time baiting me just so he could be ready for me. And when I flew out with blind rage, he blocked me with calm coolness. His left arm flashed up to deflect my punch, and almost simultaneously his left hand hit me in the face. I fell backwards.

As Hector and Teucer piled in on me, I realized I had played into their hands perfectly. Not only had I lashed out in a wild punch that Ajax had easily blocked, I had hit first before I had negotiated any sort of man on man duel. The others felt they were perfectly justified in joining in.

I was pulled up again. Someone hit me on the back of the head, but I couldn’t tell which one of them did it. Then a blow across the forehead. I swung out wildly in all directions, and they backed up a little bit and gave me some space. Then Hector and Teucer lunged forward and grabbed my arms. I struggled, but they each had an arm and were twisting them behind my back.

Ajax was in front of me now again, approaching with his fists ready. I squirmed to free myself, but Hector and Tuecer held on tightly to my arms. I kicked my feet up instead.

I visualized my right foot going up in a spectacular kick and breaking Ajax’s nose. I couldn’t kick that high though, so I settled for a good kick between the legs instead. It was cheap, but then so was three against one. I felt only minimal guilt.

My foot must have hit the mark square on because Ajax was doubled up in pain for what seemed like minutes. He didn’t fall to the ground but he had his hands on his knees and was doing a lot of groaning and some occasional coughing. Hector and Teucer both seemed unhappy about this turn of events, but didn’t do anything other than tighten their grip on my arms, and make sure they weren’t within range of my legs. They didn’t dare to take any initiative on their own without Ajax’s approval.

Ajax at last straightened himself and stopped groaning, although his face was still a little pink. “You’re going to pay for that Jon,” he wheezed. “When we get through with you, you’re going to be…” his brain paused searching for a clever metaphor “…You’re going to be in twice as much pain as me.”

I kicked out my leg again. Ajax had backed out of range now, but I just wanted to scare him. “Damn it, hold him!” Ajax yelled at Hector and Teucer, seeming to recover his full voice. There was a struggle as they tried to restrain my legs as well as my arms. When I failed to be cooperative, eventually they just settled for knocking me off my feet and forcing me to kneel on the ground. Teucer stepped on my legs while Hector pressed his knee into my back as he held my head.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Joshua watching the whole thing, petrified with fear. I had almost forgotten he was even there. I didn’t really expect Joshua to join in the fight, but I wondered why he just stood there and didn’t say anything. At the very least he could have yelled or something.

Ajax approached. I couldn’t get any part of my body free, so I just spit at him. The wind blew most of that back in my own face, but I think he understood the gesture. He drew back his fist. And then I heard a familiar voice say, “Isn’t this a little unfair? Do you really need all three of you?” Because Hector was still holding my head I couldn’t turn to look, but I saw something blue approaching from the side of the schoolyard.

The voice was calm. It wasn’t shouting, but it had a natural loudness to it that carried over the wind. Ajax recognized the sound at once and immediately lowered his fists and turned around. Hector and Teucer took their hands off me and took a step back. I stood up as Orion approached us.

Orion walked steadily forward, right up to Ajax. Ajax instinctively stepped back a couple steps to put some space between himself and the giant. “You know who I am, right?” Ajax only nodded. “And you know what this uniform means, right?” Again, Ajax nodded. “Good. Then listen carefully because I’m only going to say this once. Jon works at the Cadet Center, and I consider him a Cadet in training. And Cadets look out for each other. So the next time you have a quarrel with Jon, I want you to think very carefully about what is going to happen to you if I have to get involved. And I want you to think about something else too. As long as I am wearing this blue uniform,” Orion grabbed the cloth at the front of the uniform and pulled it out from his chest slightly to demonstrate, “no one is going to complain about what I do to you.” Ajax stared silently up at Orion. He was trying to keep his cool, but I think I saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “You can go now.”

Ajax and his friends made a point of not running, but they walked away quickly and never once turned back to look.

I stood up from my kneeling position, while I looked at Orion in amazement. It wasn’t the way he had sent those three bullies running so quickly. That was what anyone expected of Orion. But Orion’s habit of turning up whenever I was in trouble was uncanny. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I drop by every now and then to visit my old alma mater. It brings back pleasant memories for me.”

There was a light note in his voice and a smirk on his face which indicated he wasn’t being serious. And then there was a clunk in my brain as everything dropped into place. “You’ve been coming here everyday? To watch me?”

His face looked pleased that I had caught on so fast, but all he said was, “Don’t be silly. I don’t have time to come here everyday. Maybe twice in a week at most.”

“But why?”

“You’re late for the Cadet Center. I’ll walk with you there.”

We said good-bye to Joshua, who was still standing there with his mouth hanging open, but astonished and made dumb by events.

“Most people go through life simply reacting,” Orion said to me as we walked away. “Those people are normal and lead very dull and normal lives. And then there are people who don’t merely react, but create their own destinies. People like your father, and you, and me. And then there are people who can’t even react to life. Like Joshua. They just lie down and let life roll over them. People like that aren’t even alive. And they can’t be considered fully human. You’re wasting your time sticking up for them.”

“That fight wasn’t really about Joshua,” I mumbled.

“I know. But I’m telling you this anyway.”

I felt what Orion was saying about Joshua was true, but I couldn’t concentrate on it right now. He still hadn’t answered my question. “Why do you come back to the school?”

He smiled. “I told you I don’t go through the trouble of training someone without finding out about them.”

“You don’t need to spy on me. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

“I’m not spying. I’m just watching you. I’m making sure you stay out of trouble.”

“I am staying out of trouble.”

“Like just now?” I was silent. “Right in the school yard, right after school got out, when there were all sorts of people still around. Do you think that’s smart? What would have happened if I hadn’t come by? After you kicked Ajax like that, he was angry enough to have really worked you over. And then how would you have explained your face to the Cadet Center? Or to your father? Or to your school and your headmaster? Ajax is a brute with no brains. He doesn’t care if he gets thrown out of school. But if you don’t finish school, you can’t expect to join the Cadets. The Cadets are the elite, the educated. If you want to be just a common brawler, then that is what the regular army is for. And in the army, there’s no chance for bravery or heroism. You’re simply cannon fodder. They order you to charge, and the enemy cuts you down, and that is that.”

We walked along in silence for a while longer, until Orion added, “And you would have thrown your future away for what? For a Gibeonite, and a girl who doesn’t even care about you.”

My head jerked sharply and I stared at him after this last statement. He kept staring straight ahead, and only added, “I know all about it. When you’re distracted at training, I know why. You’ve got to be careful Jon, because you’re the kind of person who makes enemies left and right, but you’re surrounded by people who aren’t you’re real friends.”

“David’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember.” I answered defensively before I even thought about whether this was a reference to David or not. “He’s the best friend I could ask for. He’s always looking out for me.”

“Is he?” Orion asked. “I’m your friend Jon. Remember that. And I might be the only real friend you have.”

We arrived at the door to the Cadet Center, but Orion walked around the side to the water pump. “You’d better clean the blood off your face before you go in there,” he said. “And your eye’s a little swollen as well. If anyone asks, just say you got hurt practicing wrestling with me.” He gave a short laugh at the thought. “They should believe that.”

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I never told David about Orion’s comments. But when he asked about my face, I told him about the encounter with Ajax. In fact David was the only one I told the truth to. Everyone else I just fed the line about wrestling practice with Orion.

The next morning, David ran up to me as I was walking to school. “Hey Jon, I’ve got some great news.” It was a couple blocks away from school still, and none of the rest of our classmates were around. It was a cold fall morning, almost winter now, and the frost was on the ground. The steam from our breath hung in the air as we walked. “I went over to Helen’s house yesterday after you left for the Cadet Center. I told her everything you told me.”

Oh great! She would talk to Ajax about it, and Ajax would think I had gone crying and squealing to Helen after what had happened. The next time we met he would really hold that over my head.

David must have read what I was thinking on my face. “No, don’t worry Jon, it’s okay. Helen was so disgusted by Ajax that she said she wanted nothing else to do with him, ever again. She never really had much to do with him in the first place. Ajax was lying through his teeth when he said they had a physical relationship. They had never even kissed.”

That was good news. I took a deep breath of relief.

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It was several weeks later that David told me he was dating Helen himself. He met me after school, and he had a nervous look on his face that was unlike him. “Jon, listen.” Every word was hesitant as if it had to be forcibly pulled out of him. He started again. “Listen, Jon, I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.”

“Not here. Is there somewhere we could go? A coffee house maybe?”

“I’ve got to get to the Cadet Center. Besides neither of us drink coffee and-.”

“I just don’t want to talk about it here.”

“Talk about what here.”

He took a deep breath, and then plunged into it. “Jon, you know I’ve been hanging out with Helen a lot recently, right? After school and stuff.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know how you’re going to feel about this, but I think Helen might be interested in me.”

“And you?”

“Well of course I think she’s a great girl Jon. Everyone does. So I guess what I came here to ask you was…” His voice faded out briefly. “Would you be okay with…I mean if we ever…”

I had the feeling almost of being in a dream. I could hear David talking and see his lips moving, but nothing he said seemed real. I said something in reply but it wasn’t really me talking. It was just the sounds that seemed appropriate to say at the time. Sure. Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be okay with it? If I can’t date her, I could think of no one better than you. Better you than Ajax, right?

Mercifully David left the conversation alone after that. He didn’t drag things out any more than he had to. I could sense he was also feeling awkward and probably just as eager to end the conversation as I was. “Well, I don’t want to make you late for the Cadet Center Jon. Maybe we can talk about this more later.”

I was miserable all afternoon at the office. Orion noticed there was something wrong with me the moment he saw me. I saw no reason to keep it from him, so I spilled out the whole tale as soon as he asked.

Orion didn’t say anymore than he had to. That was the good thing about him. He never said more than he had to. He simply listened to my story, and then nodded as if he had been expecting it the whole time. “So now you know,” he said at the end.

I wanted to defend David. I wanted to say that it wasn’t his fault; that simply that this was simply how the world works. Some people find love, others get their hearts broken. Even at a young age I knew this. If David and Helen like each other, why shouldn’t they be together? It would be wrong of them to be apart because of me.

But the words never came. I just looked at Orion and nodded silently. “You’ve been focusing all your energy in the wrong places,” Orion continued. “Haven’t you?” I nodded again. “From now on, focus on what matters. Concentrate on your future. Throw yourself into it with all the strength you have. Train harder, run longer, fight stronger. Don’t worry about your friends. The future belongs to men like us.”