First Draft Chapter 6

I have just been looking over what I wrote.  What an odd feeling.  Reading one’s own words is like listening to one’s own voice.  If only we weren’t so used to reading our own words, then I’m sure it would shock us a lot more.
I notice, reader, that I had promised to tell you about my classmates and their view on church.  I had a specific instance in mind when I said that, and now is as good a time to record it as any.  I’m not entirely sure where it fits into the chronology, but I believe it was after the Tramp incident.  I am fairly certain.  And so I believe I was still fourteen, but I could have been fifteen by this time.
Now, as I have already mentioned, with exception of Bernadine none of my classmates attended the same church I did.  There was, however, compulsory chapel at School.  Daily.  It was right before lunch.  Attendance was taken viciously.
Believe it or not reader, I did not mind Chapel.  Does this surprise you?  As much as I hated church, I hated school more.  Chapel to me was a break from school where I could just turn my mind off and daydream.  Sometimes I could even get away with sleeping in the pew.  Not everyone felt the same way.
It was just after fourth hour.  Our class was preparing to join the rest of the school at Chapel.  If I remember right it was Clodius who began the discussion. Yes, that would have made perfect sense.
The teacher was in the front of the room.  “Now, I know we’ve had some issues of behavior before in Chapel.  I want you all to be on your best behavior this time.  When you do that you show respect to the speaker and you show respect to God.  Is everyone clear on that?  That means no talking, no sleeping, and no doing your homework during chapel.  It is a time of worship.”  I could feel myself become the focus of attention.  I was a repeat offender on all three crimes.  Pairs of eyes began pointing my way.  As if that wasn’t enough, the teacher had to point me out by name.  “Is that clear, Jonathon?”
“Yes sir,” I answered my face red with embarrassment.
“Good, now the rest of you have also been rather lacking in your chapel conduct lately blah blah blah blah…”
I felt a tugging at my sleeve.  I turned around and it was Clodius trying to get my attention.  “Hey!  Jon!” he whispered.  Was Clodius’ hair out of control by this point?  I don’t thinks so, but my memory refuses to cooperate.  Even though I know the wild hair did not come until a couple years later, my mind will not let me picture him otherwise.  So how to describe him here?  What I know is accurate, or what my memory is telling me?  Or perhaps literary descriptions are worthless.  Picture him how you like reader.
I leaned back.  “Yeah.”
“Don’t listen to him.  They can make us go to chapel, but they can’t make us pay attention.”
This man was speaking my language.  “Right on,” I replied.
“I still don’t believe how ridiculous this is,” Clodius said.  “That they force us to listen to this nonsense everyday.”
“It is boring,” I agreed.
“It’s more then boring.  It’s blatantly fake.  They’re feeding us lies.  Propaganda.”
This was going a little far for my tastes.  My objection to church was that I found it boring, not that I fundamentally disagreed with what was being said.  I mean, I liked to have fun but I didn’t want to go to hell.  Clodius was on his own for this one.  “I don’t know about that,” I said in response to Clodius’ statement.
“Oh don’t tell me you actually believe their lies.  I thought you were smarter than that Jon.”
Reader, I was absolutely shocked.  I had never heard our religion openly criticized before.  It was not the first time I had doubts, but it was the first time I had heard some one else vocalizing those doubts.
Is this possible?  Could one make it to fifteen without hearing criticism of religion?  Was I just incredibly sheltered?
Well, that was part of it.  Most of my classmates were not as shocked as I to hear Clodius’ ideas.  However, the religion was very powerful in Fabulae, and especially in Urbae.  The religious community enjoyed a very symbiotic relationship with the Duke.  The Duke did everything he could to encourage religion.  Religious institutions were not only free from tax but received healthy checks from the government.  No public criticism of religion was allowed.  In fact, membership in a church was obligatory.  Those citizens who were not members of a church were liable to harassment by the Duke’s men.  In return, the Duke and his policies were constantly supported from the pulpit.  We were constantly reminded that God had appointed the Duke, and so it was our religious duty to obey him.
And so, for those reasons, Clodius’ comments took me by surprise.  Hearing his out right disdain for religion caused me to doubt it as well.  I stammered for a few seconds, before saying, “I don’t know.  I think I believe it.”
Christopher, who had been listening to our conversation, came to my defense.  “Lay off of him Clodius.  Don’t listen to him Jon.”
“You’re a bigger idiot than I thought you were Chris.  People like you make me sick.”
“At least I’m not an enemy of God,” Christopher said back to Clodius.
Clodius laughed disdainfully.  “God.”  The very word was uttered from his lips with contempt.  “Tell me Christopher, why is it so important to God that I not have sex that he spends one chapel a week reminding me of it, but God has apparently forgotten about all the homeless in Urbae.  When was the last time God dedicated one of his chapels to helping them?  Why does God spend millions of dollars to build churches and can’t feed the hungry?  How come God keeps telling me how evil it is for me to drink alcohol because I’m only fifteen, but God doesn’t mind that my forty-year-old father comes home drunk every night.  God doesn’t make sense Christopher.”
“That’s not God.”  A new voice entered the discussion.  It was Joshua.  “Don’t confuse what God does with what people do.”
Clodius turned sharply on Joshua.  “Oh, really?  Well what do you think of chapel Joshua?  Do you like Chapel?”  Clodius’ voice had a very accusing tone to it, as if liking Chapel was the worst crime imaginable.
Joshua tilted his head in thought, then responded, “I like God.”
“So you think Chapel is a good idea then,” Clodius pressed.
Joshua shook his head.  “No.  No I don’t.  I don’t think you can force people to worship God.  And I don’t always agree with everything they say, or everything they do in Chapel, but I love God.”
I could tell Clodius was becoming uncomfortable.  Clodius was used to arguing with Christopher, and Christopher could usually be counted on to say the exact opposite of what Clodius’ believed.  With Joshua, Clodius wasn’t sure where to go.  He didn’t like the concept of a God, but that concept became harder to hate when it was in the hands of Joshua.  Clodius was wishing he could return to arguing against the God of Christopher.  Clodius changed his tactics.  “Don’t tell me you actually believe in God.”
“Very much.”
Clodius leaned forward eagerly.  “How can you believe in a God when there are so many hungry people?”
Again, Joshua was forced to think, before he meekly responded.  “I have love in my life.  How can there be love without a God?”
“How can there be hate with a God?” Clodius quickly countered.
“Hey, will everyone in that corner shut up.”  It was the teacher.  Actually, I was surprised he let it go that long.  “Alright, now everyone be respectful in Chapel, and I’m sure we won’t have any problems.”  The class filed towards the door in reverent silence.  I fell into line, but found my way blocked by Orion, who had been sitting on the other side of the room during class.
He got right in front of me and just stood there, a leering smile on his face.  I moved, and he moved with me, preventing me from going forward with that stupid smile.  My right hand tingled and I envisioned my hand slamming into his face and knocking him over.  I didn’t dare though.  He was stronger than me.
“What do you want?” I said at last.
“Oh, nothing.  I’m just here to see my favorite group of philosophers.”
Apparently he had overheard our conversation.  “You’re going to make me late for chapel Orion,” I said.  Behind me were Clodius, Joshua, and Christopher, also blocked by Orion.
Orion laughed.  “What a pity, Jonny.  I know how much you enjoy chapel.”
“Hey, this isn’t funny Orion.  The teacher hates me already.”
Orion pointed to himself innocently.  “What?  Do you think the teacher is loves me?”  Now this was an interesting question because as far as I could tell the teacher loved Orion.  Everybody loved Orion.  It was one of the reasons he was such a problem.
A voice piped up behind me.  “You’re a bright boy Orion.  What do you think of Chapel?”  I could hardly believe my ears.  What was Clodius thinking?  Was he trying to get Orion involved in a philosophical discussion about Chapel?  That would never work.  Nothing Orion did had reasons, and he didn’t need it to be reasonable.
At least Clodius took the pressure off of me.  Orion walked right past me and got up close to Clodius.  I could have, I realized later, probably sneaked of to Chapel at that moment if I really wanted to.  Even if it had occurred to me though I wouldn’t have left these three sheep with the lion.
“Chapel,” Orion whispered to Clodius, “is the perfect distraction.”
“Get out of our way Orion,” Christopher declared.  “We’re missing Chapel.”
Orion was surprised that Christopher was talking to him.  “Who are you?” he asked.  “You don’t know who I am.”
Rather suddenly Orion turned on Joshua.  Joshua was one of his favorite victims.  “Of course you know all about me, don’t you Joshua?  Why don’t you tell the rest of these boys what I’m really like?”  Joshua did not answer.  In frustration at Joshua’s silence, Orion grabbed Joshua by the hair.  “Say something Joshua!” he demanded harshly.  He lifted Joshua up by the hair.  Joshua’s face squirmed with pain, but he did not resist Orion.  We all grimaced.
“Let him go Orion,” Clodius demanded.  Orion ignored him, looking intently at the pained face of Joshua.  “I said let him go.”  Clodius punched Orion in the face.
Now reader, I knew Clodius was fiery, but I still could not believe his audacity.  Orion was bulging with muscles.  Clodius had arms that reminded me of spaghetti.  Orion’s head jerked backwards in the direction of Clodius’ punch.  One still had to admire Clodius’ bravery.
Orion dropped Joshua.  His powerful arm swung out wildly and impacted Clodius.  Clodius fell backwards, hitting a desk on the way down.
Orion wiped his mouth to make sure he wasn’t bleeding.  He looked with satisfaction on the fallen Clodius, then turned his attention back to Joshua.  “You little bastard,” he said with contempt.  Orion grabbed Joshua’s collar and pushed him up against the wall.  “Who is your father, Joshua?  Where is your father, Joshua?”  Joshua remained silent.  Orion hit him in the stomach, and walked away as Joshua fell to the ground.